Showing Me Slowly

I sit here deprived of sleep tonight. I'm not entirely sure why, but God sometimes uses the stillness of the night to speak to us closely. More closely than in the light of day-when even the sights we see sprawled out in ever direction can distract us.

I have Chris Tomlinson songs playing on repeat.. The same three over and over again, but I can never get enough of the message they embody. Now mind you they say the same as different verses I've found in the Bible, but hearing the sang with such passion always reaches deeper than I expect them to.

"I Will Follow" is actually one of the songs that inspired this blog. God is so good! I skimped on my posts here recently. Not on purpose of course, but with the recent holidays being more rooted in family than most I took a much needed break from all social media in general. Which brings me to my next point--upon my return home from college I found out the amazing news that my youngest brother had gotten saved and was baptized this last Sunday night. On top of that, another precious gift happened following that very service with my brother's baptism, but then my younger sister accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior!!!

I'm just so excited about it all:). So today I have so many thoughts stirring and welling up in my mind that I feel it's intended for me to blog about them..I keep trying for the issue of foreign missions, yet they always fall through. I've been embarrassed in the past realizing that I bragged- and not just that but diminished His plans before they had been set in motion. I always secretly hoped that each calling placed on my heart would be different than the last. How many times He gives us chances to get things right truly amazes me. He used my humanness to build me slowly. It hit me so hard earlier--how I could be so blind. "Let faith arise, open my eyes.."

When I go I have to be ready.... Spiritually, ready to fight His spiritual warfare acting as a tool for His teachings..... Mentally, saying goodbye to all I know and hold dear, while I'm there making Him my only focus.........and physically, prepared that if this life I lose-that I'll be doing so for Him.

He placed ministry on my heart, but He did so in a way that He has slowly shaped me, molded me, into what He sees for me. Slowly giving me time to adjust. I feel so humbled and blessed, but most of all more ready than before

Cultural Embraces

Today is a study day. I've got arabic and french grammar swirling around my head, but I know that these are my last two finals of the semester. So I'm in the home stretch!

Today being what it is, I'm surrounding myself with music, and I had to share with anyone else who will listen. :)

I should post more later but for now I hope these lift you up as they did me!

Mtumaini Mwenyezi-Mungu kwa moyo wako wote, wala usitegemee akili zako mwenyewe. Umtambue Mungu katika kila ufanyalo, naye atazinyosha njia zako.

Methali 3: 5-6 (Swahili Union Version Bible)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 (New American Standard Bible)

A Whispered Smile

Oh those moments where words completely escape you. Yesterday was filled to the brim with them.  

"Bless the Lord oh my soul. Oh my soul. Worship His holy name." 

I went to a new church, which I had visited before, but I had been a bit overwhelmed by it all primarily so I had sat in the back last time. I almost didn't go at all though due to exhaustion, since I was up so late waiting for noise in the neighborhood to die down. 

I walked in the door and a lady greeted me with an ornament. She then took me aside and explained the workings of the church to me. I felt pretty confident after that. When I walked into the sanctuary I felt inspired to sit in a "random seat" (at least random to me).

Conversation started between me and a kind woman that was sitting next to me. Turns out one of the facts I learned about her was that she is a future missionary for Africa. 

Once worship began tears started forming in my eyes and a I felt a lump in my throat. How God works sometimes truly takes my breath away. 

See, I've been asking and praying for a sign that Africa was where I was headed and what He has planned for my life. Something to tell me that it was ok to be a dream for me. Something tangible, and here sitting next to me was someone who had a call to serve in Africa placed on her and her familie's hearts as well. 

Worship continued into a sermon about Daniel and the future. Imploring us to seek God about our future. How often do we truly ask God: am I where you want me to be? Am I doing what you want me to do? 

I don't know about others but here recently I've been asking Him those two questions more and more. A simple Sunday morning service blessed me so immensely.

I just couldn't help but smile the rest of the day.  And at the end of service I met her husband who proceeded to tell me ways to get involved with their mission work.

Oh Africa, yes the whole continent, even the scared and war torn countries, I love you. 

أنا إسمي قاتلين 

أنا بحب أفريقيا 

Where Time Goes

So I changed some things with the blog to make it not so generic in nature. Now every time I look at it I can't help but smile....Not only is it pink but the Africa touch makes me feel right at home. Hope it's just as inviting to everyone else. :)

God is so amazing. Sometimes I think we can get so caught up with the inner workings of Christianity that we can tend to forget the big picture. That it's really all about Him. I had a relaxation day filled with crafts and christmas movies. And well a small coffee break interlude with a stud-ly fellow, but that's a different story that's slowly evolving hopefully I'll put more details in a future post. 

Anyways the simplicity of the day got away from me and I didn't think about how much of a blessing that was. God saw me exhausted and gave me the chance for a breath of fresh air.

In simplest words: God is amazing.

And even the smallest details to the most grandeur moments make that truth resonate.

"I seek you with all my heart:

do not let me stray from your commands."

-Psalm 119:10

أنا إسمي كيتلين 

أنا بحب أفريقيا 

One Day...

Last day of class and I'm still alive! Music has really lifted me up today, not that I was ever down though. It's just keeping me in such a happy mood. I have one more week and then I'll be back home instead of off at college, so I keep feeling bittersweet. I've gotten so content and adjusted to the freedom I feel while I'm here. When I'm home I absolutely LOVE being surrounded by people I know. The readjustment just always catches me so off guard. 

My apartment is so quiet right now. Which is quite a break from the norm here that's for sure. 

So, I know I need to pack my bags and pack my things, but every time I do it feels distant and confusing. It's not that I'm ever forced to move, but the change in residence just always makes me feel like a nomad on this earth. God does have a plan and only allows things to happen for a reason, so I haven't been too stressed this time. I just can't help but think that He keeps shaping me for more. People ask what I see in my future, next year, past college, even planning their retirement funds before they have a job. I can honestly say not me. And it's not really the lack of planning on my part. I keep trying to plan out what I think God wants for me, and then He shows me something better than I can even picture. I can't see past this next year, but I've become at peace with that. All I envision are pictures that swirl around my head of different places and people all around the world. 

The dream of being able to live by faith alone. In a land where people's support and prayer sustain me as God's instrument in motion. 

أنا إسمي كيتلين 

أنا باحب افريقيا 

Oh Sweet Africa

My biggest dream I've ever known is to live in Africa. To be used by God. My heart longs for a country I have never even known. <3

P.S- As a disclaimer none of these pictures are mine nor do I hold any rights to them.

You Make Beautiful Things

So it's time for a new post. And time for finals again where procrastination is always at it's finest. Here recently I've felt so torn and pressured on so many subjects that it has completely exhausted me. 

I never came to college away from home with the intent that it would lead to all the situations I've landed myself in. Holding back the hair of girls to intoxicated to stand, well it can really put compassion behind being different from the rest. I even sat down in the union the other day with a girl from my sorority who I've gotten fairly close to over the course of greek life. We've both had our ups and downs, where she was even there for me when I felt like I was slipping. I had a reality check about a month ago, since then I've been trying to be more personally spiritual (even though it's not always easy to find). I was talking about finding a new church here in Fayetteville and all the positives I've found that I never really knew were there..and let's just say I didn't get the reaction I was expecting.

People so often expect extremes in faith to be "too standard" when in fact that grey area A LOT of people live by isn't what God expects from us. To be drunk and lost on a friday and hypocritical on a sunday was never what He meant for us. My heart hurts when I think of friends who get that concept and have said that they'd rather have fun in college then they'll think about God after. What makes that even make sense. This could just be me ranting on the abundance of stress and little sleep. 

God teaches patience in all circumstances. We just have to be still and listen. 
If we know it's a sin, just think of what it feels like to Him to see us straying again. 
Love constantly, even if it isn't what YOU want...It's what HE wants, that's why it's the greatest commandment.

"being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

One step closer

Ever have one of those moments where you feel like you miss something that you're not really sure was ever really yours truly in the first place?? I'm sitting here typing and for what? So a few people can glance casually at the opinions of me-a young college kid- while still hoping that it makes some kind of impact on someones life. My heart longs for being in the mission field so much that it hurts me physically..(aside from the aspect that yes I am sick and sound like a raspy version of myself) It really truly makes me long for familiarities that I had in the past; from the time when I went to school at Harding and was able to attend a church that I had been a member of for about ninety percent of my life, to sitting in church sermons in foreign languages hoping that I would be back in America soon. 

I don't know about every one else but my biggest problem is never really taking the time to slow down and be like "man..this is nice. How blessed am I?" Nope, I deviate from that and I'm always going full speed to the next page of my life not wanting to linger long enough to get bored. Contentment just isn't my strong suit, which brings me to my point--where is that balance of striving to better this crazy world and getting lost in it while searching for the next big adventure?? How can we overcome the barrier of not becoming part of this world while still trying to witness to it?

I'm at college now. The one place that I was specifically warned ahead of time that my personal spiritual walk would be a struggle, and I have to admit all those people who warned me were so right. It's different when you're out on your own and no one's there to safe guard your steps. Anyways, earlier I was sitting outside in deep conversation with one of my neighbors who had been through a lot of trials and tribulations in the short amount of life that he has lived. Most girls would mark him as scarred for life, someone who had been stuck in situations that would make any normal person cry. As I sat there and watched him talking to me as if I was simply some long lost friend I couldn't help but think to myself about how I had dreamt and longed for the same type of friendships I had formed while I was in Switzerland..and crazy enough that same type of openness found me. God works in mysterious random ways. Out of the blue the call I've felt for ministry in Africa hit me so hard I almost cried. By simply taking the time to listen I realized a dream I thought I had tarnished to the point of being unattainable to me anymore. Everything happens for a reason and now I can actually say I'm hopeful again. Something so far away and forever in the future feels a bit closer now. I mean come on now it's AFRICA. :)


being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6
(TNIV)

Self Worth...maybe

Ok...so I've (very very very) slowly realized that for some odd reason I only blog when I feel like I have some grand, monumental occasion. Which in all  actuality I have simply used as an excuse to be lazy. For that sorry and 'my bad.

 So yesterday I had one of those famous "aaaa HHAA" moments when I was on the way home from college just sitting there in my roommate's car--yes we car pool (going green in a matter of speaking). And well I've been recently just listening to your typical main stream music all the time, inevitably deviating away from my usual christian alternative radio stations. But I've also lost track of myself becoming your classic college student too.The unique thing about this moment was that we were listening to one of your 'good ole' classic preacher probably up there in age judging by the way his voice was crackling who was really getting into it. His message was pertaining to each persons true worth as human beings. 

"Do we see ourselves as 'God's greatest gift to earth that ever lived' or do we see ourselves as low-ly and insignificant?" 

I tend to personally project the first concept to anyone else that knows me, but if you get down to the truth of the matter I always allow myself to blend in and see myself as the latter of the two. I don't know why that is even, maybe confidence is something that some girls are just cursed with lacking..who knows. To borrow words that I have heard multiple times and in multiple situations, I do know in fact that if we truly believe that we are christians in the utmost sense of the word, and we believe that we have been saved by God how can we not see ourselves in such a light that with Him we are this amazing gift from God, sent here as instruments to do His will and live by faith alone. 

I know I'm not personally the perfect person to talk on this matter yet, but I do know I'm trying my hardest to get there. God made each one of us wonderful we just have to remember that when our self esteem takes a hit because that one guy didn't notice you, if your having a bad day, or even if we screw up and feel like we can't make it back to His arms. He's there and He knows he made you perfect--just open your eyes and see it.

Since I arrived here in here in Fayetteville I don't even know how great a difference I've made for the better. I did end up joining a sorority, which by the way was truly a God given gift. Not expecting there to be a group of girls who would be so similar to me, or at least who I want to be, I didn't expect to be accepted by Phi Mu. I've hung out with every type of person here and for once in my life I can even kind of see where this crazy adventure might end up... :)

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed four our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

A New Freedom

So here's a crazy idea- why don't we trying living without the restrictions guidelines and rules we put into our life by the plans that we make.  Don't get me wrong it's great to have a certain structure to areas of our lives. But I've noticed that more so than not it seems our plans take over who we are-they become our identity. As a student in college it seems that people become so interested in where I am heading--instead of getting to know the real me as person and not just another text book pusher. This time last summer I was in an entirely different continent and a completely different society than that of America. By God's will I was able to become involved with a mission trip program to Switzerland where I taught students of so many different ages, religious backgrounds, and heritages how to read English from the bible. The feeling of leaving was so overwhelming as I left behind friendships that had moved past the facade of ritualistic courtesies, and had become so genuine. Ever since I left I keep praying in my head thatGod would continually break my heart for what breaks His. Like the song lyrics that play on air 1the radio station. This year I kept going over all the memories I had made and kept trying to plan out ways to do something either personal travel or mission trips and every time I ended up coming in short of my plans. Then two and a half weeks into June I got invited to a mission trip meeting after bible study. And try as I might to worry about things working out things keep falling into place. This opportunity to go out and serve the Lord just fell in my lap, as a blessing, and it's so incredible since it's not at all what I planned. ;)

UNEXPECTED EXPECTANCIES

          So this isn't entirely where I pictured myself five years ago, or even one year ago for that matter. I thought that by now I would have all of this college stuff down and be in some overseas Harding program. But I've noticed how it's almost ironic that every time I plan out my future elaborately down to the last detail, that everything ends up opposite of the original notations. 


          These things that keep changing from what I expect are almost like big blaring neon signs saying "you idiot. Pay attention to the big picture." God is here, and there, and everywhere even when my plans and schedules are falling apart. 


          I have prayed about it long and hard for almost a year now and I finally opened my eyes enough to see the deliverance God gave me. He gave me a friend. But not just any friend, someone who fully encourages me spiritually. I've always been great friends with anyone who needed companionship. But, for the first time I have someone who holds me accountable to what God wants and then my wishes second. It's so cool! 


          With this change in pace comes the change of venue for the next year of my life. I'm a razorback now, and headed to Fayetteville in the fall. My classes picked and my life in a completely different area than I ever would have picked for myself play out in front of me. It's such a relief to be going somewhere, towards something that can open so many doors.




"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind. Lean not on your own understanding and in all of your ways acknowledge HIM and He will direct your paths."

NIV Proverbs 3:5-6

I've Got Good News :)

Well it's official...I stink at this whole blog thing. It's been a coupl of months since I posted last. Currently I have decided on most of the details of my immediate future. I know it's going to be really hard to not go back to HU, but Ive learned that I have to think of it as I was blessed by God to get to go to Harding, meet the people there, and get to experience the things that I did. But with all the things that have changed here recently I've learned (slowly) to be excited for the future.

So accordingly I will be off to Fayetteville come next term. And crazy as it seems I have officially decided my major for the time being--I am going to be a French, Arabic, and international relations major :)

It's such a relief to FINALLY know what's next in my life. To all my friends I made and will be leaving behind I'm just a text or tweet away


On a spiritual note this has all taught me to be thankful and not just look to God in times of sadness but be joyful in everything.

New Favorite Movie :)

It's official...today I have officially become obsessed with the movie called Soul Surfer. It is a movie about Bethany Hamilton, a teenage surfer who lost her arm. I cried soooooooo many times my parents probably think I'm a big baby. But I LOVED IT!

so now added to my to do list:

1. live in Hawii
2. learn to surf
3. Go on a mission trip like that
4. and....meet Bethany Hamilton :)

Narrowing The Focus

I'm Harding bound...or atleast that's what seems to be the way that the path I'm on is leading at the moment. I think it's so funny that over the years I've learned to compartmentalize my life. The most recent situation I've done this to is the future-which to say the least I've personally skirted around and tried to avoid making any decisions.

By not being tied to any one decisions pertaining to my ultimate future I've been able to stay focused on everything. Just take a look at my transcript... But I find it ironic that such an important decision for me as my career is simply decided by where I go riht now.

And even as I right this I feel like the conversation goes on circling around my head.

I think at this point in time I'm fully and whole heartedly scared of the commitment that it takes tto settle in on any one decision. I can actually admit that I'm one of those people who rides out any decision until it's decided for me even when I know deep down exactly what I want and need. God doesn't want decisions to be made on a 'luke warm' basis. He wants us to dive in head first, fearless, with no regards to the opinions of this world, but only the directions of HIM.

Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.
1 Peter 3:15 NLT

They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.
Psalm 1:3 NLT

Let God Take Over

"I don't measure up to much in this life, but I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ. Oh I'm forgiven..."


Whoever said making decisions is easy must have had a lot of practice growing up, because I think I completely skipped that part since I'm pretty much an adult and still have no clue what I want to do half the time. Most recently all I've been thinking about is where I need to go next. When most people graduate from high school they usually know where they're going, what to study, and what they plan to do for the next part of their lives. I'm left breathless when I think about any of that!!


So...my choices are to complacently remain in a state school where I feel like my faith is strained, go back to a private school where I am uplifted and know mostly everyone, OR go out and try something completely new. Sad thing is for the most part I'm just a scared-y-cat! I was even asked on a form what I think I've struggled most with over the last year? and I have to say honestly deep down I know that I haven't let God be God. I always say that I ask myself 'will this draw me closer to Him?'. But I'm finally realizing I've said that all this time but truly haven't lived it.


It's the new year... The big 2012. Resolutions keep circling: the big one for me, "Make more decisions with Him in mind and heart. <3


"Since I have died, I no longer live for myself, but for HIM."
2 Corinthians 5:14-15