Showing Me Slowly

I sit here deprived of sleep tonight. I'm not entirely sure why, but God sometimes uses the stillness of the night to speak to us closely. More closely than in the light of day-when even the sights we see sprawled out in ever direction can distract us.

I have Chris Tomlinson songs playing on repeat.. The same three over and over again, but I can never get enough of the message they embody. Now mind you they say the same as different verses I've found in the Bible, but hearing the sang with such passion always reaches deeper than I expect them to.

"I Will Follow" is actually one of the songs that inspired this blog. God is so good! I skimped on my posts here recently. Not on purpose of course, but with the recent holidays being more rooted in family than most I took a much needed break from all social media in general. Which brings me to my next point--upon my return home from college I found out the amazing news that my youngest brother had gotten saved and was baptized this last Sunday night. On top of that, another precious gift happened following that very service with my brother's baptism, but then my younger sister accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior!!!

I'm just so excited about it all:). So today I have so many thoughts stirring and welling up in my mind that I feel it's intended for me to blog about them..I keep trying for the issue of foreign missions, yet they always fall through. I've been embarrassed in the past realizing that I bragged- and not just that but diminished His plans before they had been set in motion. I always secretly hoped that each calling placed on my heart would be different than the last. How many times He gives us chances to get things right truly amazes me. He used my humanness to build me slowly. It hit me so hard earlier--how I could be so blind. "Let faith arise, open my eyes.."

When I go I have to be ready.... Spiritually, ready to fight His spiritual warfare acting as a tool for His teachings..... Mentally, saying goodbye to all I know and hold dear, while I'm there making Him my only focus.........and physically, prepared that if this life I lose-that I'll be doing so for Him.

He placed ministry on my heart, but He did so in a way that He has slowly shaped me, molded me, into what He sees for me. Slowly giving me time to adjust. I feel so humbled and blessed, but most of all more ready than before

Cultural Embraces

Today is a study day. I've got arabic and french grammar swirling around my head, but I know that these are my last two finals of the semester. So I'm in the home stretch!

Today being what it is, I'm surrounding myself with music, and I had to share with anyone else who will listen. :)

I should post more later but for now I hope these lift you up as they did me!

Mtumaini Mwenyezi-Mungu kwa moyo wako wote, wala usitegemee akili zako mwenyewe. Umtambue Mungu katika kila ufanyalo, naye atazinyosha njia zako.

Methali 3: 5-6 (Swahili Union Version Bible)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 (New American Standard Bible)

A Whispered Smile

Oh those moments where words completely escape you. Yesterday was filled to the brim with them.  

"Bless the Lord oh my soul. Oh my soul. Worship His holy name." 

I went to a new church, which I had visited before, but I had been a bit overwhelmed by it all primarily so I had sat in the back last time. I almost didn't go at all though due to exhaustion, since I was up so late waiting for noise in the neighborhood to die down. 

I walked in the door and a lady greeted me with an ornament. She then took me aside and explained the workings of the church to me. I felt pretty confident after that. When I walked into the sanctuary I felt inspired to sit in a "random seat" (at least random to me).

Conversation started between me and a kind woman that was sitting next to me. Turns out one of the facts I learned about her was that she is a future missionary for Africa. 

Once worship began tears started forming in my eyes and a I felt a lump in my throat. How God works sometimes truly takes my breath away. 

See, I've been asking and praying for a sign that Africa was where I was headed and what He has planned for my life. Something to tell me that it was ok to be a dream for me. Something tangible, and here sitting next to me was someone who had a call to serve in Africa placed on her and her familie's hearts as well. 

Worship continued into a sermon about Daniel and the future. Imploring us to seek God about our future. How often do we truly ask God: am I where you want me to be? Am I doing what you want me to do? 

I don't know about others but here recently I've been asking Him those two questions more and more. A simple Sunday morning service blessed me so immensely.

I just couldn't help but smile the rest of the day.  And at the end of service I met her husband who proceeded to tell me ways to get involved with their mission work.

Oh Africa, yes the whole continent, even the scared and war torn countries, I love you. 

أنا إسمي قاتلين 

أنا بحب أفريقيا 

Where Time Goes

So I changed some things with the blog to make it not so generic in nature. Now every time I look at it I can't help but smile....Not only is it pink but the Africa touch makes me feel right at home. Hope it's just as inviting to everyone else. :)

God is so amazing. Sometimes I think we can get so caught up with the inner workings of Christianity that we can tend to forget the big picture. That it's really all about Him. I had a relaxation day filled with crafts and christmas movies. And well a small coffee break interlude with a stud-ly fellow, but that's a different story that's slowly evolving hopefully I'll put more details in a future post. 

Anyways the simplicity of the day got away from me and I didn't think about how much of a blessing that was. God saw me exhausted and gave me the chance for a breath of fresh air.

In simplest words: God is amazing.

And even the smallest details to the most grandeur moments make that truth resonate.

"I seek you with all my heart:

do not let me stray from your commands."

-Psalm 119:10

أنا إسمي كيتلين 

أنا بحب أفريقيا 

One Day...

Last day of class and I'm still alive! Music has really lifted me up today, not that I was ever down though. It's just keeping me in such a happy mood. I have one more week and then I'll be back home instead of off at college, so I keep feeling bittersweet. I've gotten so content and adjusted to the freedom I feel while I'm here. When I'm home I absolutely LOVE being surrounded by people I know. The readjustment just always catches me so off guard. 

My apartment is so quiet right now. Which is quite a break from the norm here that's for sure. 

So, I know I need to pack my bags and pack my things, but every time I do it feels distant and confusing. It's not that I'm ever forced to move, but the change in residence just always makes me feel like a nomad on this earth. God does have a plan and only allows things to happen for a reason, so I haven't been too stressed this time. I just can't help but think that He keeps shaping me for more. People ask what I see in my future, next year, past college, even planning their retirement funds before they have a job. I can honestly say not me. And it's not really the lack of planning on my part. I keep trying to plan out what I think God wants for me, and then He shows me something better than I can even picture. I can't see past this next year, but I've become at peace with that. All I envision are pictures that swirl around my head of different places and people all around the world. 

The dream of being able to live by faith alone. In a land where people's support and prayer sustain me as God's instrument in motion. 

أنا إسمي كيتلين 

أنا باحب افريقيا 

Oh Sweet Africa

My biggest dream I've ever known is to live in Africa. To be used by God. My heart longs for a country I have never even known. <3

P.S- As a disclaimer none of these pictures are mine nor do I hold any rights to them.

You Make Beautiful Things

So it's time for a new post. And time for finals again where procrastination is always at it's finest. Here recently I've felt so torn and pressured on so many subjects that it has completely exhausted me. 

I never came to college away from home with the intent that it would lead to all the situations I've landed myself in. Holding back the hair of girls to intoxicated to stand, well it can really put compassion behind being different from the rest. I even sat down in the union the other day with a girl from my sorority who I've gotten fairly close to over the course of greek life. We've both had our ups and downs, where she was even there for me when I felt like I was slipping. I had a reality check about a month ago, since then I've been trying to be more personally spiritual (even though it's not always easy to find). I was talking about finding a new church here in Fayetteville and all the positives I've found that I never really knew were there..and let's just say I didn't get the reaction I was expecting.

People so often expect extremes in faith to be "too standard" when in fact that grey area A LOT of people live by isn't what God expects from us. To be drunk and lost on a friday and hypocritical on a sunday was never what He meant for us. My heart hurts when I think of friends who get that concept and have said that they'd rather have fun in college then they'll think about God after. What makes that even make sense. This could just be me ranting on the abundance of stress and little sleep. 

God teaches patience in all circumstances. We just have to be still and listen. 
If we know it's a sin, just think of what it feels like to Him to see us straying again. 
Love constantly, even if it isn't what YOU want...It's what HE wants, that's why it's the greatest commandment.

"being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30