One step closer

Ever have one of those moments where you feel like you miss something that you're not really sure was ever really yours truly in the first place?? I'm sitting here typing and for what? So a few people can glance casually at the opinions of me-a young college kid- while still hoping that it makes some kind of impact on someones life. My heart longs for being in the mission field so much that it hurts me physically..(aside from the aspect that yes I am sick and sound like a raspy version of myself) It really truly makes me long for familiarities that I had in the past; from the time when I went to school at Harding and was able to attend a church that I had been a member of for about ninety percent of my life, to sitting in church sermons in foreign languages hoping that I would be back in America soon. 

I don't know about every one else but my biggest problem is never really taking the time to slow down and be like "man..this is nice. How blessed am I?" Nope, I deviate from that and I'm always going full speed to the next page of my life not wanting to linger long enough to get bored. Contentment just isn't my strong suit, which brings me to my point--where is that balance of striving to better this crazy world and getting lost in it while searching for the next big adventure?? How can we overcome the barrier of not becoming part of this world while still trying to witness to it?

I'm at college now. The one place that I was specifically warned ahead of time that my personal spiritual walk would be a struggle, and I have to admit all those people who warned me were so right. It's different when you're out on your own and no one's there to safe guard your steps. Anyways, earlier I was sitting outside in deep conversation with one of my neighbors who had been through a lot of trials and tribulations in the short amount of life that he has lived. Most girls would mark him as scarred for life, someone who had been stuck in situations that would make any normal person cry. As I sat there and watched him talking to me as if I was simply some long lost friend I couldn't help but think to myself about how I had dreamt and longed for the same type of friendships I had formed while I was in Switzerland..and crazy enough that same type of openness found me. God works in mysterious random ways. Out of the blue the call I've felt for ministry in Africa hit me so hard I almost cried. By simply taking the time to listen I realized a dream I thought I had tarnished to the point of being unattainable to me anymore. Everything happens for a reason and now I can actually say I'm hopeful again. Something so far away and forever in the future feels a bit closer now. I mean come on now it's AFRICA. :)


being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6
(TNIV)

Self Worth...maybe

Ok...so I've (very very very) slowly realized that for some odd reason I only blog when I feel like I have some grand, monumental occasion. Which in all  actuality I have simply used as an excuse to be lazy. For that sorry and 'my bad.

 So yesterday I had one of those famous "aaaa HHAA" moments when I was on the way home from college just sitting there in my roommate's car--yes we car pool (going green in a matter of speaking). And well I've been recently just listening to your typical main stream music all the time, inevitably deviating away from my usual christian alternative radio stations. But I've also lost track of myself becoming your classic college student too.The unique thing about this moment was that we were listening to one of your 'good ole' classic preacher probably up there in age judging by the way his voice was crackling who was really getting into it. His message was pertaining to each persons true worth as human beings. 

"Do we see ourselves as 'God's greatest gift to earth that ever lived' or do we see ourselves as low-ly and insignificant?" 

I tend to personally project the first concept to anyone else that knows me, but if you get down to the truth of the matter I always allow myself to blend in and see myself as the latter of the two. I don't know why that is even, maybe confidence is something that some girls are just cursed with lacking..who knows. To borrow words that I have heard multiple times and in multiple situations, I do know in fact that if we truly believe that we are christians in the utmost sense of the word, and we believe that we have been saved by God how can we not see ourselves in such a light that with Him we are this amazing gift from God, sent here as instruments to do His will and live by faith alone. 

I know I'm not personally the perfect person to talk on this matter yet, but I do know I'm trying my hardest to get there. God made each one of us wonderful we just have to remember that when our self esteem takes a hit because that one guy didn't notice you, if your having a bad day, or even if we screw up and feel like we can't make it back to His arms. He's there and He knows he made you perfect--just open your eyes and see it.

Since I arrived here in here in Fayetteville I don't even know how great a difference I've made for the better. I did end up joining a sorority, which by the way was truly a God given gift. Not expecting there to be a group of girls who would be so similar to me, or at least who I want to be, I didn't expect to be accepted by Phi Mu. I've hung out with every type of person here and for once in my life I can even kind of see where this crazy adventure might end up... :)

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed four our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5